My last day as a Flight Attendant

January 7, 2004

Yesterday was my last day as a Flight Attendant. Today's my first day as a full-time Mom.

I felt I'm missing out a lot on my baby's development. Regrets I have. I really enjoy my work, but honestly can't cope with the rigid schedule like I used to. I come home exhausted and barely have the strength to play or care of her. Or maybe I'm getting older.

I'm gonna miss the job, the lay-overs, the stories of excited home-bound OFWs, shopping in Bangkok, Touring Singapore, practicing my Spanish in Malaga, handing out breadcrumbs to London pigeons and the windy Chicago. Most of all, I'll miss how I blend well with crew 10+ years younger. Yesserie! I can pass as 25.

Now I just stay at home. Don't get me wrong. To relax is a denied pleasure. Now I push pram the way I push meal trolleys. I attend to every cry like I attend to every blue chime. Everything is a routine. But this one beats a hundred passengers.

After eight years of walking in apron into different time zones, I find myself back in Manila for what seemed like a permanent vacation. At 31, I finally married my long time Filipino Fiancee.

Everyday of my pregnancy I jot my feelings for my baby. I first saw her as a beating jelly bean. Soon there were bubbles in my tummy. Then butterflies, then a rolling lump, and then kicks. She's like a tennis ball pushing into my ribs giving me a Heimlich. What's a Breech baby to do?

The first week of Motherhood tested my endurance like a turn-around, long-haul, west-bound, winter trans-atlantic night flight. I lost much weight in no time. Surprisingly, without any training or manual to guide me, I passed the course! Armed with my instincts (wherever it came from), I can read my baby!

Three months after Julia fell from the heavens, my husband pinned me back my wings. I was a Flight Attendant again. This time for a local Airline. I was back in the game like a fish thrown back in water. I'm 30,000 feet above but my heart stays on earth waiting for my landing.

I come home after work with tons of things to do for her to get by the next day I'm gone. By the time I'm done, She's already in dreamland on her Daddy's arms. Then my heart breaks as I kiss her sleeping head goodbye the next day, as I leave for an early morning flight. I get sooo stressed that there would be days I could cry while brushing my baby's bottles. Then I think of my old friends having cafe in Paris or in a rush at a New York sale.

One month, two months, three moons passed, I felt my daughter and I are drifting apart. Time for myself, I have not. Time for her, I can't make. The big alarm set off when she started losing weight.

This afternoon I was playing with my Baby on the couch. Suddenly she stopped moving and to my surprise, I found her already asleep on my lap. I swear I will never trade this moment for any job in the world.

Life is made of choices. Life draws to a call. I took my wings off and donned a new name which my Baby called out the first time as I'm writing this article. "Mama"!